''Write 'Em Cowboy''
Season 3, Episode 5
Production Code:
10734132 599396890171884 1585889900746041817 n
Written by Eric Goldberg & Peter Tibbals
Directed by Matthew Long
First Aired: October 14, 2014
List of Episodes
That Brother's My Father
Old Wounds

Write 'Em Cowboy is the 5th episode of season 3 of Brickleberry. Denzel exploits Steve's country songs to make money off gays, and Malloy wishes he were big.


Shut up woody she's been tested

Steve and Denzel's Plot Edit

Steve launches a career as a gay country singer with help from Denzel. Denzel then books Steve on his girlfriend's granddaughter's birthday to sing for the kids, and after Steve starts making content that sound like glorification of him having sex with other men, the kids may enjoy it just for the music but the adults angrily take offense at the lyrics and after Steve goes in on the rooster song "My Cock", the adults at the party try to beat up Steve and Denzel forcing them to drive away. Because they all hate Steve's songs, Denzel books him in on singing for gay men because the lyrics are unintentionally innuendo on gay sex.

Denzel is suddenly abducted by flamboyantly rich men into a limo who display that they're all gays. They follow a leader, the Gay Mafia leader, who gives Denzel a cash signing bonus on a contract to hand over all ownership of Steve's routines to them in order to create more and more money to have Steve sing for homosexual men (without Steve knowing his songs are being used for homosexual intercourse). Denzel starts to regret it when he realizes the gay mafia leader impose death threats towards him (and Steve) to keep growing bigger in success, if they don't do as he says otherwise.

Steve eventually does find out when he is forced to promote his latest album on Ellen, and at first he tries quitting, but is forced right back into writing an insanely big song under the Gay Mafia leader's threats to kill him and Denzel if he doesn't otherwise. Steve and Denzel resort to the cliché running away and changing their identities, but instead Steve meets up with Billy Black and decides to write the song anyways as in "I'm so sorry Billy Black, people (suck, stink, are animals, get tied to my pick-up truck and dragged down the road)". The song comes out sounding like it glorifies violence against black people because of Steve's poor lyric-writing, and so there starts a horrible riot that burns down the stadium. The Gay mafia leader and his two henchmen are outraged that Steve's career is ruined and decide it's time to kill Steve and Denzel, but they are then crushed to death when the gay riot causes a spotlight to drop on them. Also more good news, Billy gets burned alive with fire. Denzel regrets the kid could not have been named "Billy Mexican". Denzel, not learning his lesson about exploiting Steve's music, switches him to singing for "angry cancer patients", who embrace his Billy Black song and salute their arms to him as they chant "HEIL STEVE!"

And that's the end of our first story.

Malloy and Woody's Plot Edit

Meanwhile, Malloy wants to be big because he wants to do more adult-oriented things. Because of his young age, Woody treats him much like a human toddler, giving bedtime stories, a tricycle and a babysitter to Malloy even though Malloy has strong desires of going to the strip club and having a motorcycle.

Malloy's wish to be a full-size bear is granted. He is tired of being treated as a child by Woody (who can't resist always treating Malloy as if he were little). Malloy grants his wish from a make-a-wish machine for a quarter, and as an adult, he becomes very difficult for Woody to live with. After getting fed up with Woody's complaints for reckless behavior (due to having become big from the wish), Malloy moves out.

Malloy gets forced to take up a job as a fry cook and pay for his own horrendous apartment room leased to him by Jorge, while Woody becomes insane and psychotic since he is now lonely from Malloy's absence. Connie and Ethel set out to reunite the two. Since the wish machine can only grant one wish per customer, and Malloy can't wish himself back to youth, Connie and Ethel bring Woody in to make the wish (After both wasted their own wishes on Ethel's body, Connie wished Ethel's breasts grow and Ethel wished for no more HPV). At first, it seems Woody did wish Malloy back to his young age, but then it turns out Woody actually wished for Malloy to shrink to such a small size that he can be held by hand. And so Woody was happy again, and Malloy found a home way better than Jorge's apartment, which was Woody's shirt pocket.  

And that's the end of our second story we'll talk to you later, bye.  


  • This episode is the only time Malloy didn't bite Steve in the intro gag, as Steve was safe with Malloy trapped inside bubble wrap.
  • It is revealed Woody has a fetish for pineapples.

Pop Culture References Edit

  • The title is a reference to Abbott and Costello's Ride 'Em Cowboy.
  • Steve dresses up as a Tauntaun from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back while Denzel dresses up as the Lone Ranger.
  • Malloy doesn't take a liking to the "Berenstein Bears" stories. But then again, those books haven't done too well with critics either.
  • The plot where Malloy became an adult through magic is a parody of the 1988 Tom Hanks film "Big", especially with the wishing machine.
    • The main difference is that in Big, Tom Hanks' character was having a fun time being an adult most of the movie, while in this episode, Malloy suffered from getting behind bills and failed to make enough to get by from a job as a fry cook.
  • Kathy Bates, Kim Kardashian, Ray J, Shia LaBeouf, Gary Busey, George Clooney, Kenny Chesney and Fox News are mentioned in this episode.
  • Ellen DeGeneres is drawn in a less than complimentary way in this episode.
  • In this episode, it is revealed that Steve's Ranger of the Month badge is actually a Snapple cap painted golden.
Episodes vte
Season 1 Welcome to Brickleberry · Two Weeks Notice · Saved by the Balls · Squabbits · Race Off! · Gay Bomb · Hello Dottie · Steve's Bald · Daddy Issues · The Dam Show
Season 2 Miracle Lake · The Comeback · Woody's Girl · Trailer Park · Crippleberry · Ranger Games · My Way or the Highway · Little Boy Malloy · The Animals Strike Back · Scared Straight · Trip to Mars · My Favorite Bear · A-Park-a-Lypse
Season 3 Obamascare · In Da Club · Miss National Park · That Brother's My Father · Write 'Em Cowboy · Old Wounds · Baby Daddy · Steve the Fearless Pilot · High Stakes · Amber Alert · Cops and Bottoms · Camping Ain't Easy · Global Warning
See also: Episode Guide