Welcome to Brickleberry

''Welcome to Brickleberry''
Season 1, Episode 1
Production Code: 1RAG01
Written by TBA
Directed by TBA
First Aired: September 25, 2012
List of Episodes
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Welcome to Brickleberry is the series premiere of the animated series Brickleberry. It aired on September 25, 2012.

Synopsis

In a national park called Brickleberry run by hot-headed chief of rangers, Woody Johnson, delightfully retarded park ranger Steve wants to get the ranger of the month award for the millionth time but his chances of success are threatened when a new overachieving ranger named Ethel starts to work there.

Plot

After a warming introduction to the state park, via watching nature doing what nature does best, Ethel Anderson is hired as a new park ranger. She immediately shows a strong passion to save the mediocre state park of Brickleberry and one cold argue that she has more spirit than any of the previous employees. This makes Steve afraid that she is going after his "Ranger of the Month" award and things between the two get tense. Meanwhile, Malloy is forced upon on a more "healthy" and natural diet by Woody on Ethel's advice. The critter's love of chocolate puts him in an uncomfortable position with a redneck rapist named Bobby Possumcods.

Steve then gets Ethel fired by spiking Tequila into her coffee, which makes her drunk enough to use her helicopter to smash buildings and kill off a Columbian landscaper. Ethel is so confused over how she got drunk and thinks the whole thing was weird and Steve agrees, because he thought all landscapers were Mexican. Ethel is then fired, but Woody suddenly panicks he can't find Malloy and forgets that he's the one who fired Ethel, so he tells Steve to go find Ethel. Steve refuses, but as soon as Woody confiscates his Ranger of the Month badge, he gets to work and finds Ethel drinking some more from depression of getting fired. Ethel and Steve then do get to work looking for Malloy and using bear tracks, they find him being raped by Possumcods and Steve punishes the redneck with 3 days of litter duty.

In the end, Woody rewards Steve his "Ranger of the Month" badge back for rescuing Malloy from Bobby (even though it was clearly Ethel who did so). Steve then tells Ethel that, regarding the badge…"maybe it's time for a change", which makes Ethel smile, right until Steve puts the badge on the other side of his shirt and he brags that it's better than the left side. Ethel calls him an asshole and the camera zooms in on Steve's eyes and forehead, as he makes an evil laugh and says it's so funny how she doesn't even know he spiked her coffee and that he'll never tell a soul, only for the camera to pull out and reveal that Steve is SAYING THIS INSTEAD OF THINKING THIS! Ethel then gives chase to Steve, who in his quest to run away to sanctuary, bumps Flamey the Bear into a big vat of acid, where the bear instantly dissolves to death. One chairman who watched the video tells Flamey's other chairmen, "I fucking love it!"

And that's the end of our story, we'll talk to you later, bye.

Characters

Major Roles

• Woody Johnson
• Steve Williams
• Malloy
• Denzel Jackson
• Connie Cunaman
• Ethel Anderson

Minor Roles

• Bobby Possumcods
• BoDean Lynn
• Flamey the Bear
• Tong Kim Bon
• KKK (Cameo)

Quotes

Steve: Take it all in, kids. This is nature in all it's majesty. Welcome to Brickleberry.

---

[Steve is setting up a campfire for the children]

Steve: Now, before we start up any fire, we must always use ... Lighter fluid.

[Steve squirts a bunch of lighter fluid onto the campfire]

Steve: Eh, maybe just a bit more.

[Steve squeezes out a bunch more]

Steve: Hm, looks like we still have some in there. As heck, let's just use all of it.

[Steve opens the bottle and dumps all of it out on there and then just drops it on the campfire]

Steve: Now, just to light the match and ...

[Steve lights the match and then the screen cuts to a view of the trees above the area. Then there is a huge fiery explosion that blasts the entire area]

Steve: [burning in flames] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Screen cuts to a recording of a Flamey the Bear (Parody of Smokey the Bear) commercial]

Flamey: Only you can prevent forest-

Steve: [runs into Flamey] FIRE!!!

Flamey: [catches on fire too] GAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

Steve: [off fire] Ahhhh, thank God. I'm safe.

Flamey: AAAAAAAH!!!!! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!

Steve: OH MY GOD! FLAMEY THE BEAR IS ON FIRE! My childhood hero! Don't worry Flamey. I'll beat the fire out with this shovel.

Flamey Wait, no!

[Steve takes our the shovel and beats Flamey a bunch which only makes him bruised and bloody]

Flamey: Agh! Stop! Stop! Ow! Aaauuugh! [crying] OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

[Steve finally beats out the fire, leaving Flamey, lying on the ground, bloody, broken, and nearly dead]

Steve: Ooooh, that didn't go as expected ... We'll at least the fire is out.

[Fire starts back up again]

Flamey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Screen shows reviewer of the commercial watching the incident]

Reviewer: I love it!

---

Steve: Being ranger of the month drives the ladies crazy. Why, just this morning, I met this hot young den mother.

Denzel: Young? Man, old chicks is where it's at. They sweet, loyal, and they can take out their teeth.

Steve: Are you being serious right now?

Denzel: Yeah, I'm being serious. I've been in more old white women than osteoporosis.

---

Steve: Good morning, Malloy. How are you?

Malloy: Your head is enormous. Tell me, why do you need so much storage space for such a tiny brain?

Steve: Hey. Don't forget I'm the one who rescued you after some crazy tourist ran over both your parents.

[Cutaway gag to Steve reading a book on safe driving, while driving]

Steve: The key to being a safe driver-

[Steve runs over and injures Malloy's parents]

Steve: Oh my God! Wait! You're both still alive! I'll go call for help!

[Steve tries to call for help but he trips over his gun and shoots them both dead]

Steve: Shit.

---

[Woody shows Denzel a chairt of a red arrow going down]

Woody: Alright, rangers. Do you know what that is?

Denzel: Is that The Devil's penis?

---

Woody: Our park is in shambles! We've had everything from freak accidents to crime waves! Last week, a group of tourists got car jacked!

Denzel: I got car jacked last week too.

[Cutaway gag to Denzel sitting in the car, getting a handjob from an old lady]

Denzel: Easy girl. Let the Parkinson's do the work.

---

Woody: Denzel, I don't indulge in racial profiling.

Malloy: We'd all be safer if you did.

---

Connie: Maybe less people in the park is a good thing. We don't wanna offset the balance of nature.

Woody: Ha! Everybody point and laugh at the fat dyke!

Denzel: Hahahahahahaha! Fat dyke!

Connie: Hey! Don't make fun of me for being overweight or a lesbian. I'm beautiful just how I am.

Malloy: You keep telling yourself that.

Connie: Besides. I really think nature truly needs to be preserved. Too many people coming into the park can ruin the environment.

Woody: Sheesh, Connie. Quit being such a hippie!

Denzel: Man, fuck nature!

---

Woody: Malloy, you should be out there greeting all those tourists cuz you're the cutest thing on the planet.

Steve: Malloy!? You don't want him talking to anyone. He's a dick!

Malloy: Even your whispers sound fat.

Woody: How could you say that? Malloy does so many thoughtful things for us!

Steve: Yeah, like what?

Woody: Like for starters, he made that delicious breakfast you enjoyed this morning!

[Cutaway gag to Malloy shaking a salt shaker full of AIDs into a pot]

Woody: And don't forget he planned that surprise party for Denzel.

[Cutaway gag to Denzel walking into a room with the KKK in it]

KKK: Surprise!

[Back to scene]

Woody: And of course, he also gave Connie that surprise visit to the zoo!

[Cutaway gag to Malloy taking Connie, blindfolded into an exhibit of tigers and lions, while she wears a bunch of greasy meat around her neck]

Connie: Wow, Malloy. Thanks for this necklace you gave me. I can't wait to see what the surprise is.

Malloy: Trust me Connie, you're going to love it. Now take this party flare, [gives Connie an air soft gun] and aim it straight at the party bell of fun, [aims Connie's arm at the king lion] and when then take off your blindfold to see what fun awaits you! [Malloy runs away and closes the door]

---

Ethel: Hi, everybody. My name is Ethel Anderson. I'm really excit-

[Ethel gets cut off by Connie's vagina growling]

Connie: Sorry. That's my vagina growling ... You're hot. [Connie falls in love with Ethel] [heaves]

Ethel: ... Well, uh, okay. Uh, I-I'm really excited to-

[Connie's vagina growls]

Ethel: I'm really-

[Connie's vagina growls]

Ethel: excited-

[Connie's vagina growls]

Ethel: Excited to work-

Steve: You! You're no den mother. You were here to take my ranger of the month title all along!

Malloy: That seems highly unlikely, that that's what she's here for, you moron.

---

Malloy: [to Ethel after she takes away his candy] You took away something I love. Now I will take away something you love.

[Cutaway gag to Malloy taking the batteries out of Ethel's vibrator]

---

Steve: [walking away backwards, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh! [trips and falls over a chair ... gets back up and continues walking backward, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh!

---

Connie: Whoa, did you feel that? I think our periods just synchronized.

---

[Steve comes in with the corpse of a hiker]

Steve: Woody! Look! I saved a hiker!

Woody: He's dead, Steve.

Steve: He was alive when I found him.

---

Woody: Good work, Ethel. You get one star for saving that man's life.

Malloy: And one star because you have a nice body and an okay face.

Ethel: Uh, okay face?

Malloy: Yeah, it's alright but don't worry, babe. Your body is your main draw.

Ethel: Wow, okay. First of all, my face is gorgeous. And second of all, that's sexual harassment, baby bear.

Malloy: Uh-oh. Minus one star for attitude.

Steve: Ha! [to the song of nananana booboo] You lost a star!

Denzel: She's still kicking your ass, Steve.

Steve: Well, how many stars do you have?

Denzel: [threatening] Woody give me three stars!

[Woody gets scared and gives Denzel three stars for no reason]

Denzel: Ah, affirmative action.

Malloy: Technically, that's not affirmative action. That's more like star welfare.

---

Connie: I'm Connie, by the way.

Ethel: [pissed off] WE ALREADY MET!

---

[Malloy digs through the frontward of a trailer for food and then Bobby comes out]

Bobby: Hey you there. Get your ass off of my property!

Malloy: Who are you?

Bobby: My name is Bobby Possumcods. Who are you and why the hell are you in my front yard?

Malloy: I'm Malloy. I'm starving here and I'm looking for food now leave me alone.

Bobby: You're looking for food? Well WOO WEE why didn't you just say so? Come on in, man. I got tater chips, candy, moon pies, whatever you want.

Malloy: You're not gunna rape me are you?

Bobby: What!? No! Do I look like a rapist to you?

Malloy: You look exactly like a rapist.

Bobby: Oh, so just because I'm a redneck, that means I'm a rapist. I'm a big bad rapist. I guess that also explains why I have this duct tape and chloroform. Cuz I'm a rapist.

Malloy: You're really not helping your case right now.

Bobby: I guess that also explains why I have multiple notes of rape on my criminal record, and why I have videos of myself molesting people in my cabinet, and a court-ordered restraining order, demanding me to stay at least fifty feet away from young children and small animals at all times because of multiple previous occasions of me raping those people and a dead person tied to my bed who I'm currently raping right now huh? Because I'm a rapist. A big old evil rapist!

Malloy: Ooookay, I better be getting back.

Bobby: Did I mention I have chocolate?

Malloy: Well, maybe I can come in for a minute.

---

Connie: It's so awesome we have something in common.

Steve: What?

Connie: We both like Ethel.

Steve: Eh, I mean she's hot but-

Connie: Hold on. You'll love this. [shows a box of Ethel's hair trimmings and toenail clippings and shit and period blood and other weird stuff] I call it my sniffy box. Check it out. [sniffs it] Mmm, you want a hit?

---

Connie: Come by anytime you wanna talk about Ethel. I think she's perfect. Well, except for the fact that she's an alcoholic.

Steve: She's a what?

Connie: It says it right here in her diary. She's a bad drunk too. That's why she was fired from Yellowstone.

[Cutaway gag to Ethel, drunk at her old job working as a tour guide]

Ethel: So, this is a tree and I've had 11 abortions ... What?

[The camera zooms out and she's pantsless]

Ethel: Oops.

---

Steve: Let's celebrate! [takes out vodka]

Ethel: I don't drink.

Steve: Oh, me neither. This is non-alcoholic vodka.

Ethel: You know what? I don't wanna celebrate with you. Ever since you found out that I'm actually good at my job, you've been a total jerk to me.

Steve: Well, I'll just leave the bottle so you can celebrate by yourself.

[Ethel kicks Steve out with the bottle of vodka]

Steve: God dammit.

---

Ethel: [drunk driving a helicopter] Hey get out of the fast lane, you stupid mountain!

---

Steve: [sigh], I can't believe Woody fired you just for killing all those orphans and a Columbian landscaper.

Ethel: I don't know what happened. It's like I was drunk but all I had was that coffee. It's so weird.

Steve: Yeah, that is weird. I thought all landscapers were Mexican.

---

Woody: I'm so glad everything turned out okay.

Malloy: No, everything turned out fine except for the part where I was raped!

Woody': Well, Ethel. It looks like you got your job back.

Malloy: Who gives a shit!? I got raped!

Woody: Uh-huh.

---

Woody: Eh, Steve, I guess you deserve to keep this for a while. [gives steve the ranger of the month pin]

Steve: You know what? I think it's time for a change. [Steve makes it look like he's gunna give the badge to Ethel but he just puts it on the other side of his shirt] Wow. Looks even better on this side. It's like a whole different shirt now.

Ethel: You're an asshole. You know that?

---

Flamey: Only you can prevent giant vats of acid from appearing in the middle of-

[Flamey gets knocked into a vat of acid by Steve]

Flamey: [burns from the acid] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

[Camera shows the reviewer watching the commercial again]

Reviewer: I fucking love it!

Trivia

• Being the pilot episode, this establishes how Ethel started working at Brickleberry. Before this show even started, Steve, Woody, Connie and Denzel were all already employed for at least some time.

Cultural References

• Flamey the Bear is an obvious parody of Smokey the Bear.
• Though perhaps not intentional, this episode has a similar plot to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, which also was about an incompetent, self-centered and misogynistic man (Ron Burgundy) competing with a short-tempered competitive woman (Veronica) for the same job.

Gallery

Steve demonstrates the ease of starting a fire