My Way or the Highway

''My Way or the Highway''
Season 2, Episode 7
Production Code: 2RAG06
Written by Rocky Russo & Jeremy Sosenko
Directed by Susie Dietter
First Aired: October 15, 2013
List of Episodes
Previous Ranger Games	Next Little Boy Malloy

My Way or the Highway is the 7th episode for the 2nd season of Brickleberry and the 17th episode overall.

Plot

Woody makes sexist comments about Governor Melcher just for being a woman, and Melcher gets revenge on Woody by putting in a highway that ubiquitously surrounds Brickleberry with no escape, "The Woody Johnson Is a Sexist Asshole Memorial Highway". Woody then vows to get rid of the highway by becoming governor and Malloy, taking a peak at the opulent Governor's mansion, wants to live there so he pushes for Woody to win by "black male"-ing the Governor, as in make a sex scandal video off of her involving Denzel.

Steve meanwhile is stranded in the middle of the highway and starts hitchhiking to get across the street. He gets accepted by a serial killing parricidal driver who won't take Steve to his destination.

Quotes

Woody: SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!

[Steve shows his tits]

Woody: I was talking to her, you idio-Hey, Steve! You have some nice tits!

---

Woody: Women got put in charge. What's next? Making the tampon the official state bird?

Steve: Or Maxipads! They have wings!

---

Ethel: Maybe next time you'll think twice about picking a fight with the governor. She's a pit bull.

Woody: Hmmph! Well, you're just lucky I can't think of a derogatory term for female dog.

Malloy: I've got one. Connie.

Connie: Aw.

---

Anita: I'm so proud of you, son. Happy 8th birthday. Now, screw this hooker so you don't turn into a queer!

---

Denzel: Good morning, rangers.

Woody: Go back to Africa, negro.

Ether: Woody!

Woody: What? I was just reading his shirt.

Denzel: Some rednecks gave it to me. They're all signing recruits for their militia.

Connie: But why are you wearing it?

Denzel: I don't give a shit what it says. It's a free t-shirt.

Malloy: I like it. Does it come in Puerto Rican?

---

[Woody and Malloy eat soup in extremely loud traffic]

Woody: HOW'S THE SOUP!?

Malloy: What!?

Woody: SOUP!!!?

Malloy: Poop?

Woody: NO! SOOOOOOUUUUP!!!!!!!!

Malloy: I know. I'm saying your soup tastes like shit.

---

[A chandelier comes crashing down on the dinner table]

Woody: WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM!?

---

Angel Dust: I gotta squeak a leak out of my crotch beak.

---

Malloy: I think it's great you're apologizing. It shows your sensitive side. Hey, what kind of flowers are those? Pansies?

Woody: No, they're a boquet of shut the fuck up-sies.

---

Woody: Hello, governor.

Nina: Oh, it's you. Make it fast, Johnson. I'm late for a very important speech.

Woody: This will only take a second. I just wanted to say I'm sssssssssssssssssssss-

Malloy: Such a pussy.

---

Woody: I, Woodrow Waylon Johnson, am running for governor! Any questions? Yes, the-the lady dressed in black.

Funeral Lady: [crying] Why are you announcing this at my son's funeral!?

---

Malloy: FOX News just said the gay terrorists are trying to replace our guns with abortions.

---

Woody: Burn in Hell, Jew.

Ethel: WHAT!?

[Denzel enters with a shit that says that]

Ethel: Oh, more free militia t-shirts, Denzel?

Denzel: No. I got this at the Gap.

---

Ethel: Look, Woody. You don't stand a chance. Governor Melcher cut unemployment, balanced the budget, and won a congressional medal of honor. You're a racist, misogynistic war criminal!

Woody: Well, when you say it with that negative tone, it sounds bad. Yeah.

---

Bobby: BoDean, I'm not asking you to suck it. Just hold it in your mouth.

---

Mexican: Gracias, amigo.

BoDean: That's "Burrito Christmas" in Mexican.

---

Ethel: Denzel, how could you!?

Denzel: Whoo. It wasn't easy. I had to close my eyes and think about Queen Elizabeth scissoring Barbara Bush.

---

Ethel: I would like to announce my candidacy for governor!

[The camera shows that she's announcing it at a cancer kid's funeral]

Funeral Lady: [crying] Why won't you people leave our family alone!?

---

Malloy: Lincoln sucked off a kangaroo! Read a history book!

---

Ethel: And so, if you want a state where all races live in peace in harmony without war, rich people, or red meat and the only violent acts are committed against unborn babies, you should vote for me.

Connie: That's great, Ethel!

Ethel: Connie. Come on, you're supposed to pretend to be Woody!

Connie: Oh, sorry. That's right. ARRRGH! I'M WOODY! CONNIE, YOU STUPID FUCK! GO GET RID OF THAT MILITIA! NO, WOODY, THEY'RE MY FRIENDS! SHUT THE HELL UP, CONNIE! EVERYBODY HATES YOU! [runs out of the room, crying] WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!

Malloy: All that running and crying, you think she'd be thinner.

---

Malloy: The streets will run red with your blood!

---

Phil: So, when they said Pluto was no longer a planet, well that really ticked me off. Am I crazy?

Steve: Not from where I'm sitting.

Phil: You know who else likes Pluto? My SISTER! [holds out his sister's decapitated head] [imitating his sister] Guess what big brother? [normal] What little sister? [imitating his sister] Pluto's not even a planet anymore. [normal] SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH YOU BITCH! Sorry. Sibling rivalry.

---

Bobby: Who the hell invited this guy? We are definitely anti ... anti, uh ... What the hell are you anyway?

Jorge: I have no idea!

---

Malloy: If you wanna be a real militia. You need to stand up and do something big. Something destructive. Something that puts you in the history books.

Jorge: Like the guy who invented the double dong dildo!

Malloy: ... Can he not talk?

---

Moderator: Our children's test scores have been dropping at an alarming rate. What is your plan, Mr. Johnson?

Woody: Listen, Chuckles. I'll be asking the questions around here.

Ethel: Uh, no you won't. He's the moderator.

Woody: Not anymore. I'm the moderator now. [singing] I'm the moderator! Look at me! Everybody loves me! I'm the moderator! I'm the moderator! I'm the moderator! I'm the moderAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAtooooooorrrrrr!

Moderator: Let's just take some questions from the audience.

Woody: I'll allow it.

---

Connie: Uh, Malloy?

Malloy: [annoyed] Yes, Connie.

---

Malloy: Ain't I a stinker?

---

[Ethel and Woody make anti-themselves campaigns because neither of them want to become governor]

Ethel: Hi. I'm Ethel Anderson and there's no way I should be elected governor. Why? Because I'm a raging unrepentant alcoholic and I believe The Holocaust never happened but I wish it did. Vote Woody Johnson for governor.

Woody: Hi, I'm Woody Johnson and there's no use beating around the bush. I molest kids and I love it!

Ethel: And I promise to make this state a safe haven for terrorists.

Woody: Hey, can I just say, fuck our troops! [kicks a veteran in the testicles]

[Woody licks a baby]

Ethel: Look, where I can stick the statue of liberty! [shoves a toy of the statue of liberty up her cunt]

Woody: Domestic violence isn't a problem. It's a solution.

Ethel: [singing in blackface] Camptown ladies sing this song! Doo dah! Doo dah!

---

Ethel: Wait, you voted for yourself?

Woody: Well, I wasn't gunna vot for a goddamned woman.

---

Bobby: Hello, Mr. Governor.

Woody: [in a British accent] You've got the wrong guy. My name is Rick Swordfire.

Jorge: I KNOW RICK SWORDFIRE AND YOU SIR, ARE NO RICK SWORDFIRE!

---

Bobby: It's time to bust a nut in his ass! ... Uh, I mean cap.

Jorge: We can do both!

Trivia

• This episode and Trailer Park are the only Season 2 episodes where Dr. Kuzniak is absent.
• At the end of the intro, the lake in the middle of the scene shows a dolphin in it, which Woody bought for his governor campaign.
• Woody is seen wearing very squeaky Squabbits slippers throughout this episode to go with his pajamas, implying he still has some love for the Squabbits.

Pop Culture References

• When Malloy said, "Ain't I a stinker," it's a reference to Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes.
• Bobby and Bodean's militia wear Guy Fawkes masks.
• Woody running through the highway to not get hit by cars is a reference to Frogger.

The militia in Guy Fawkes masks