|Job||Park Ranger, mainly in charge of lifting|
|Voiced by||Roger Black|
|First||"Welcome to Brickleberry"|
Connie Cunaman is a main character on the animated series Brickleberry. Connie is one of the six main characters and is identified by her ugly appearance, incredibly heavy weight, for being a lesbian, having incredible strength and being emotionally disturbed.
Connie is voiced by show co-creator Roger Black, who is a man, which is why she has such a deep manly voice.
In Miss National Park, she claims that as a kid she used to be a pageant queen, until she hit puberty, which made her fat and gave her the deep masculine voice she has today. She also took steroids while playing in football league and then served some time in the US Marines.
Connie is a lesbian ranger who isn’t the most feminine woman around. The other rangers wonder about her sexuality, but everyone is afraid to ask because she could wrestle them all to the ground and choke the life out of them. Connie is unusually strong for a woman, which comes in handy when she has to wrestle a bear or drag a downed redwood off the road. Connie was born to be a park ranger. It's no secret she loves nature, but she's also in constant fear of "disrupting" the balance of the forest. She also trained to be a Navy Seal, but because of her love of Thanksgiving dinner, developed a weight problem and dropped out. She later became a park ranger for some reason, most likely because being a park ranger requires heavy lifting for foliage and animals and Connie's strength makes her the backbone of the park's lifting responsibilities. In fact, she is mostly set in charge of putting up heavy metallic trees under Woody's orders because Woody is covering up the fact that Brickleberry's vegetation is dying.
Connie is the show's most prominent character dealing with homosexuality. She has been a lesbian ever since being a young girl and became defamed by her parents and the "Jesus Hates Homosexuals Church". In "The Dam Show" and "Daddy Issues", Connie's tried asking out other women on a date, but has been turned down.
Connie is very fat thanks to her overeating habits and she's the fattest character in the main cast. She enjoys eating non-stop, having such a huge appetite. Woody used a picture of her eating as a brochure for Fat Camp, which depicted her chowing down on a gigantic submarine sandwich, pizza, burgers and a milkshake all at once.
An emotionally unstable, overly attached lesbian is the best way to describe Connie. Connie panics a lot and when she does panic, she runs out screaming hands up with her eyes closed (which of course makes her unable to see anything as she runs, leading to often times she just hits her head).
None of the main cast really show much respect for Connie, as they often make fun of her obesity, her ugliness and her gullibility. In fact, she's at an even lower standard than Steve and at times is not even treated as a real person. The entire crew have absolutely almost no regard for her. When Woody declared cheer for nothing to celebrate while at a night at the bar,Connie pointed out that it was her birthday today, which Woody again declared it to be nothing to celebrate.This often makes Connie depressed or outraged. Connie is very strong (which she attributes to her being a lesbian) and she has the power to tear apart people limb from limb. Connie is emotionally fragile. A recurring trait of her is that whenever she panics or falls into depression, she will run away and scream with her eyes closed while holding her hands up in the air, and if a park animal is in her path, she'll punch it.
Connie also seem to be clingy when it comes to having new friends. This can be best seen when Connie invited over the Circus Freaks to hide out in her cabin for a slumber party, although the freaks really just trashed the place, and when she very easily joined Bobby and BoDean's militia (although she and the militia itself were too stupid to know what a militia is) and so not knowing that militias use violence to overthrow authority oppression, they settled for having potluck picnics.
Connie is dim-witted much like Steve. Her stupidity frustrates Denzel up to the point that he gains the desire to beat up or kill Connie for how annoying her stupidity can get.
Even if Connie is considered "sensitive" or "kind-hearted" sometimes, she often sexually harasses Ethel pressuring her to agree to have sex. Ethel claims that Connie has done so everyday and that Connie is the only member of the Brickleberry Human Resources Department, so therefore Ethel can't do anything about it.
Connie and Steve's relationship seems to be complicated. At times they are friends who mutually trust each other so much they share a bathtub together naked, but many times they argue with each other and Steve has admitted that he doesn't really like Connie either since she's so damn ugly and fat.
Connie's relationship with Ethel is much more developed than with the rest of the main cast. Connie's always going after Ethel, but Ethel always rejects this because Ethel is heterosexual. Connie and Ethel often do many things together, such as helping Woody reunite with grown up Malloy in "Write 'Em Cowboy" or joining the Amish community or competing in the same beauty pageant.
Malloy and Connie have a hostile relation, as Malloy never runs out of insults to hit Connie with for being fat or ugly or a lesbian. Malloy expresses his desire many times how he wants Connie dead so badly.
Woody doesn't like Connie very much and is rather repulsed by how fat and ugly she is, but will usually make Connie work hard to do heavy lifting around the park as all the other rangers are very physically weaker than her.
Denzel doesn't like Connie a lot either, also being repulsed by how fat and ugly she is. Denzel also gets frustrated over how stupid Connie is. "Dennie" (Connie and Denzel) do have their own subplot in the episode "Steve the Fearless Pilot".
Barack is completely obsessed with Connie to no end, wanting to play with her buttocks which he nicknames "Flappy dappy ass" and wants her panties. Connie on the other hand refuses to be with Barack, as she's a lesbian and she considers Barack too insane and mentally unstable for doing dirty things to her all the time like sexting her over 100 dirty messages.
Insults at Her Edit
- A plus size lesbian with abnormal enlargement of the clitoris (by Denzel)
- A flying hump back whale (by Kirk Sanders)
- Andre the 'Gina (by Denzel)
- The Carpet-munching Vaginasaurus (by Freakshow Ringmaster)
- Bloated ginger she-beast (by Steve)
- Ginger dragon (by Obama)
- Gimme Gimme Gimme some of that flappy dappy ass. (texted to her by Obama)
- Shaved gorilla who eats potpourri (by Malloy)
- #1 to win a Pie-Eating Contest (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a Whale-a-thon (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a Dog-show (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a Most Bacne Contest (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a Biggest Shadow Contest (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a World's Sweatiest Gunt Contest (by Malloy, Ethel, Woody)
- #1 to win a Boner-Killing contest (by Connie herself)
- There's no getting around the fact that she's just as hot as a young John Goodman (by Malloy)
- Red-headed refrigerator (by Woody)
- Orange Bigfoot (by Manslaughter McGill)
- The shit woman (by Pat Sajak)
- A Giant orange sea cow (by a news reporter)
- HELP! I'm being crushed by a 350-pound monster! (by Steve)
- That's something Rebel Wilson's couch might say (by Pat Sajak)
- Connie is so ugly… (started by Woody)
- Her mirror went blind (by Steve)
- Lena Dunham thinks she looks gross naked! (by Ethel)
- "My dildo went limp" (by Connie herself)
- She makes people appreciate handsome people. (by Denzel)
- Hideous trout-faced monster (by the host of "You're So Ugly")